Daily Life-Wednesday

     Took Meagan to the doctor today to get her physical for school to play vollyball.  A couple of surprises.  One, her vision is 20/30 & 20/40 so we'll have  to have her eyes checked for glasses. She has complained that she thought she couldn't see the board that well at school and wanted glasses but she also just got a new friend who wore glasses and she thought they were really cool so I guessed she wanted glasses for that reason.  Guess I was wrong.  Surprise number two:  she had to get three shots.  One for meningitis, one for td and a hep C vaccination.  She took it well though, two in one arm and one in the other.  Third surprise:  doctor says she seems to have a slight curvature in her spine and sent her for an x-ray.  Results should be in tomorrow.
   Otherwise on the home front, Travis doing well in his first week of community college, Jacob came home early from a visit with his older brother Kyle which was nice to know he loves us.

HEAVEN IS FOR REAL

Heaven is for Real: A Little Boy's Astounding Story of His Trip to Heaven and Back

.  This book is an easy read and could be finished in one or two sittings.  I have mixed feelings after reading their story.  I liked the book but am not sure how convinced I am that the whole thing happened.  It's the story of a little boy, Colton, who is very sick and undergoes surgery.  He doesn't code or anything but he does have an 'after death' experience while under anesthesia.  I lean more towards believing that something did happen to him but think there is a lot of room for parental 'tweaking'.  (If it did happen, I owe an apology I know).  The story is told from the point of view of the father, Todd Burpo who is also a preacher.  While I love God and preachers I do think there is a tendency to 'add lib' in an effort to 'do God's work' and think it's OK so I tend to be skeptical on that end.  Not to be too harsh though, it was a good book, glad I read it, but remain not totally convinced.  I do however think that kids have more of a hot line to the other side than we do and we tend to loose it as we grow into adult hood so.......who knows?  Maybe, when Colton gets older, he may remember and tell more of the story himself.

THE WORST HARD TIME

The Worst Hard Time: The Untold Story of Those Who Survived the Great American Dust Bowl
Finished reading this book by Timothy Egan.  I did not know at the time I started reading it but in 2006 this book won the Washington State Book Award and the National Book Award.  It was referred to me by my brother who read it and like it.  It turned out to be a really good book, one I will remember.  I learned more about the 1930's depression, politics of the times, agriculture and of course the dust storms which I had seen and heard about on TV but did not know the real reason for the dust storms and that there was actually a "Dust Bowl" area.  The story is non fiction and is told from the points of view of people who, instead of leaving the area when the drought began, stuck it out (which, by the way, I would not have done-I'd have been out of there.)  But the author interviewed several different people who stayed and lived through these 'hard times' and had first hand knowledge of surviving these extreme conditions.  The stories are told from a personal point of view so you come to feel their hardships and while I was reading I could actually feel the heat and dust and cold,  the hunger and discouragement.  It did get mildly redundant about half way through but that does not last long and I feel like I have learned a great deal because of reading it.  Would recommend it.

MARLEY & ME

Just watched the movie Marley and Me staring Jennifer Aniston  and Owen Wilson and what an awesome movie it was!  I wasn't that excited about it to begin with thinking it would be your typical kid show, funny but not too deep, but what a surprise it was.  I laughed and cried through most of the movie.  I now want to buy it to have it for keeps.  This movie is primarily about a big, rowdy, misbehaved dog that you are sure you would want to kill if you had him. But it also encompasses so much more.  You watch this young couple in love, played by Aniston and Wilson, grow into a family of six (including Marley).  These two make an excellent husband and wife team and you travel with them through the stages of their lives from getting married, landing jobs, deciding to have kids, pregnancies, children, moves, losses, joys and the very real struggles of marriage and family life and you feel their pain and their joy.   This movie is almost sure to make you laugh and cry and you will keep remembering it long after you watch it.  One of the best movies I've seen in a while. Loved it. Oh, and BTW, loved Jennifer Aniston's wardrobe too.

Kids Are Home

My kids are finally back after 30 days with their dad.  I missed them so much and the last three days were really hard.  They had a good time but were glad to be home.  Fells normal around here again.  Computer and video games going non stop, cooking and cleaning again non stop.  Hearing "hey mom" every time I turn around and seeing their smiling faces.  Ah, heaven.  Thank you God for my family.

Parvo Scare

Okay so we panicked a little.  Andi had blood in his stools and we recognized the  hallmark smell immediately from when our little dog Coal got Parvo and died from it.  It was a horrible death and I never want to go through it again.  Meagan was crying and yelled for me when she saw it.  So, because it was Saturday there were no vets open and we had to take him to an emergency clinic.  They were very good and saw him right away.  He weighed in today at 6.7 lbs which is a 3 ounce gain from Friday when we weighed him.  Vet said he did not need to be checked for Parvo as he was not showing the typical signs of it.  Beginning signs of Parvo are:

1.  They stop eating and look depressed
2.  They start throwing up
3.  They start having severe diarrhea
4.  They have bloody diarrhea.

Not blood in formed brown stools and not first.  So that was a relief.  And, it took me $93.00 for peace of mind.  But, I don't regret it.

Vaccinations

 Today we vaccinated Andi and wormed him at home.  Went to the local community veterinary clinic and got him some Comfortis  for flea control which is the only thing I have discovered so far that really works and I love it.  He weighed in at 6.4 lbs.  Gave him his first dose.  Also took him to PetSmart and bought him a couple of chew toys, some more food, medicine for his skin rash and a name tag.

Andi playing with new toy

Andi sporting his new collar and name tag.

New Name

Meagan's puppy has a new name; Andi which I think suits him well.

Our New Addition

First night home 

Today we added a new addition to our family, a little puppy.  We haven't given him a name yet.  He came from my sister's in-law's house and was one of four puppies left, three boys and a girl.  They looked sad to me, kenneled and hot, covered in fleas and we felt like we were rescuing him.  My daughter had wanted a puppy for a very long time, every since she lost her closest companion Jack, a chihuahua she had for three years.  Since then she found another puppy, a toy chihuahua we got from a feed store in town which died of parvo ten days after we got him.  So this puppy took a lot of decision making for her.  He is three and a half months old, father is a Jack Russell and mother is a Rat Terrier.  Both of them in pretty sad shape as well, chained to separate trees on about four foot long ropes.  Sad.  But after two days of grueling contemplation and repeat visits to the puppies and their parents, Meagan decided on this little guy.  He weighs about 5 pounds at best, is covered in fleas, skinny and his skin is in pretty bad shape.  As soon as he got to the house tonight she brought him straight to the bathtub and washed him twice using Dawn dishwashing soap to kill the fleas followed by Johnson's baby shampoo for more of the same and to help his skin.  She fed him and watered him and he seems to think he is in heaven.  Deciding on a name.  He seems very smart.

"To My Debbie"

In the early morn of April tenth

     relieved I breathed a sigh.

A happy ending finally

     when I heard your tiny cry.

The nurse said "it's a beautiful girl"

     the doctor said "she's healthy".

If I'd been living in poverty

     at that moment I was wealthy!

It seemed like time would never pass

     before they brought you in

and I could feel you in my arms

     and touch your fragile skin.

I'd seen so many babies before

     so precious and so small

but of anything I'd ever experienced

     this moment topped them all.

I remember how you sighed and cooed

     and though it was seventeen years away

These memories are so vivid still

     as though it were only yesterday.

I marveled at the miracle I held

     amazed, verifying each tiny part.

Ten little fingers-ten toes too

     I didn't know where to start!

The nurse had taken special pains

     to tie a silky red bow

among your locks of curly black hair,

     Oh! If only you could know-

How much I was filled with pride and love

     as I held your tiny being.

The same young lady, now seventeen

     that in your sleep I'm seeing.

Captions of memories and feelings

     representing the passing years.

And fragments of times I cherish so

     make up a volcano of tears.

Tears I guess, both happy and sad-

     sad because along the way

there were things I should have done and didn't.

     Did I overlook things I should say?

It's important to me for you to have

     the things that left me void.

I want to shelter you from all pain

     though some things you can't avoid.

Other tears represent memories of-

     so many things we've been through.

How ironic the parallels of two lives cross

     as if we were one-not two!

Thank you for all the loving times

     you've brought me over the years.

For countless times of moral support

     that minimized doubts and fears.

It seems I could write forever and still

     not even  begin to touch

on the multitude of feelings I feel

     because you mean so much.

God knew before I knew myself

     that I couldn't be complete

without a daughter like you beside me

     to help me conquer defeat.

To help remind me when I'm feeling

     all reasons for living are gone-

There's a reason more vital than myself

     and for it I must go on.

He knew just how a daughter should be

     how she should look, what she should do

to give me pride in life's highest form,

     that's why God gave me you!  

                                          Love,

                                                   Mom

(Written April 10th, 11th & 12th of 1979)

This poem was written for me for my birthday.  I turned 17 on April 10, 1979.  One month later, on May 8th, my mother was killed in a car accident.

GO ASK ALICE

  Just finished the book Go Ask Alice by  Beatrice Sparks last night.  This is a book that my 16 year old son, who is a freshman in high school was assigned to read in school.  It originally claimed to be the actual diary of a 15 year old girl's decent into drug addiction but has since been discovered to be more a work of fiction.  The book starts just before her introduction into drugs and follows her decent into a world of addicts and addiction, recovery and ultimately death.  It is not a long book, I read it in two days part time.   It is sad though and this girl had the benefit of a loving, forgiving, family.  It was made into a movie in 1973 and there is a website called goaskalice that is a place teens can ask questions and get help that probably arose from the book.  Not a book for young readers as it does deal with drugs, sex, alcohol, etc. but a good book educationally fora little older reader, say 13 or 14 and up depending on the kid and for parents. Glad I read it.  If people could read their teens diaries they might be able to help and understand them more.  I don't believe in snooping through kids things-unless their in trouble-then you do what you have to do to save them.

THE SHACK

I read The Shack by  William P. Young for the first time in 2008.  I have read it twice more since then.  If I was rating this book I would give it a 10.  It was a life altering book for me.  It is the story of a man who has pretty much everything he could want and believes in God until, his youngest daughter is abducted and killed.  He goes through the next several years increasingly more angry with God and doubting his belief all together.  He ends up spending a weekend with God and he asks all the hard questions.  The ones we'd all like to ask, and God answers him.  The author does an amazing job of this.  The book is emotionally draining at times and I had to put it down to really absorb all I'd get from a passage or chapter and then go back and re read it again.  And just when you think you've gone as deep as you can, you are brought deeper.  This is not a book for "surface" level people, it is a book for deep thinkers.  For some, the book starts out a little slow but begins to pick up in about the fifth chapter.

A big controversy exists between the book and the religious community evidently over what I believe to be  superficial reasons.  I think the real reason is because the author emphasizes the value of people and personal relationship with god outside of programs and church.  He doesn't say church is bad but he does stress that that is not what God is about and I think this is the main thing that ruffles their feathers.  But I think he is right, that we have come to substitute church for God and God misses us.

This is my number one recommended read.  For those of you who do not like to read they also make this in audio book.  It's an excellent way to pass time on a road trip or while going to and from work.

I DON'T CALL HIM DADDY

YouTube - I don't call him daddy: "http://youtu.be/Ta0DTKZWVJc"

This song about divorce is so sad and true. It's one of my favorites and I still can't listen to it without getting choked up.

Something I Had Lost

I'd been searching frantically
     for something I had lost.
I didn't know just what it was,
    but for it I'd pay any cost.
Because I was discontented
     and restless deep inside
Nothing around me seemed to go right,
     in nothing could I find pride.
So I went where I could be alone,
     in serenity I thought peacefully.
And i found my journey was over at last,
     because what I had lost was me.

Sue Holms

Don't Judge Too Quickly

It's so easy when things are going good
     to look around and say
"Aren't they foolish to let the problems
     of life bother them each day?
Why can't they overlook the things
     that happen along life's road?"
But sometimes the bad overtakes the good
     and it proves to be too big a load.
But you know that load could be lightened
     if people weren't so blind.
If instead of cutting and knocking down,
     you'd put more effort in being kind.
After all you know, there may come a day,
     when you too are in need of a friend.
And you know if you've given of yourself
     their heart to you they'll lend.
But if you hurt those people today
     when they see you suffering tomorrow,
instead of their heart going out to you
     satisfaction will come-not sorrow.
Satisfaction because they'll remember the day
     when they hurt so bad they could cry
And by deserting them, you made it worse
     You looked and passed them by.

Sue Holms

Why Fight The Tomorrows

Why fight the tomorrows
     they'll come anyway.
They'll come by night
     and they'll come by day.
They'll bring with them times
     of good and bad,
But they'll be the only
     times you'll have.

Why wish for a miracle
     along life's road
to help you carry
     the heavy load.
For if a miracle
     you're waiting to see
you'll still be waiting
     come eternity.

Instead take the days
     as they may fall.
Always remembering
     through it all
That if you'll only
     trust in God
There is no road
     too rough to trod.

Sue Holms

That Certain Touch

The tender times I cherish so,
their worth, to me, you'll never know.
The angry times I so regret,
I hate the pain they bring, and yet,
That certain touch-no words spoken
and all the tension between us is broken.
Don't let us lose that certain touch,
that makes our marriage mean so much.

Sue Holms

Are You Strong Enough?

Do you feel as if today has been
     an extra trying one?
That there's no use to try anymore,
     cause nothing can be done.
Do you feel as if you've done all you know
     that there's no road left to take?
Well if you do, you're not alone,
     but don't make a grave mistake.
Always try to hold your head high,
     tell your heart your 'going on'.
You won't forget your problems today
     and in a year they still won't be gone.
But don't ever say "Life's not worth living"
     even though things are bad today.
Remember the days of laughter and joy
     could the bad be the price you pay?
So pray for the courage you need to go on,
     and then thank God you're alive,
for you can't be weak and make it through life
     are you strong enough to survive?

Sue Holms

You'd Better Pass

It's only human to listen to talk
     but I've found sometimes too
People aren't given the chance they deserve
     or the credit that they are due.
Because you know, there's always some
     who thrive on malicious talk.
They'll place a person in a glass house,
     and stand holding the rock.
I wonder if they, or for that matter, you
     could survive in that house of glass.
If not, when gossip is offered to you,
     You'd best say, "No thank you" and pass!

Sue Holms

My Fellow Man

A person doesn't understand
     the hurt he hasn't known.
The sadness he hasn't experienced
     or the year he hasn't grown.
He always seems to find a way
     to condemn his fellow being
for something he has no conception
     for an experience he's never seen.
And anyone can tell you this
     if ever they've learned to grieve,
A person acts only on what's in his heart
     and sometimes perceptions deceive.
So remember this my fellow man
     if you've a troubled friend
there's no worse feeling than being alone
     so stick by him to the end.
For people are so different
     with troubles on their minds,
But with loved ones trying to understand
     their selves they'll eventually find.

Sue Holms

A Friend

A friend is someone to laugh with
     and someone to cry with too.
It's someone you never have to impress
     in anything you say or do.
And in your darkest moments
     when everything's falling apart,
I hope you'll find comfort in knowing
     that someone feels with your heart.
There's one thing I've found so ironic
     in knowing someone like you
and that's that someone else's hurt
     can hurt as if it's mine too.
So please know I'm there if you want me
     if you don't, I'll understand too
Because what matters most to me
     is what's most important to you.

Sue Holms

Help This Be The Highest Mountain

God help this be the highest mountain,
     I'll ever have to climb.
And help the hurt grow lighter please,
     with the passing time
Because I just don't have the strength
     to climb a mountain taller-
In fact right now I doubt that I
     could even climb one smaller.
I wish you'd help me understand
     as it would help so much,
To know there is a reason why
     when I'm crying for your touch.
He represents a part of you
     and that's confusing too-
How could this have happened when,
     we both believe in you?
If you could somehow show me
     a reason to carry on,
Please do it soon because I find
     my strength is nearly gone.

Sue Holms

God Must Have Known

God must have known there would be times
     we'd need a word of cheer,
Someone to praise a triumph
     or brush away a tear.
He must have known we'd need to share
     the joy of little things
In order to appreciate
     the happiness life brings.
I think He knew our roubled hearts
     would sometimes throb with pain
at trials or misfortunes
     or some goal we can't attain.
He knew we'd need the comfort of
     an understanding heart
to give us strength and courage
     to make a fresh new start.
He knew we'd need companionship
     unselfish-lasting-true
And so God answered the hearts great need
     with cherished friends...like you.

Sue Holms

Little Hurts

Be careful of the little hurts,
     the smallest of them all
can generate resentment,
     that will spread from wall to wall.
Think twice before you hack away
     at dignity and pride.
Remember it's the little things
     that churn around inside.
Don't harbor try-fulling grudges,
     they seem to have a sneaky way
of sprouting ten feet tall
     if they are lived with every day.
Don't under rate a brief caress
     a fleeting kiss or touch.
A gentle little touch that says;
     I love you very much.
For married life at first is like
     a field of virgin earth
and on each little seed you sow
     depends it's future worth.
So give it tender love and care
     and you will surely reap
a harvest full of memories
     to cherish and to keep.

Sue Holms

Thank You

The pain was great-so great
     I thought I couldn't bear it.
Worst of all I felt like
     with no one I could share it.
Time was like an empty cellar
     meaning loss and void.
When someone said "There's reasons"
     it made me feel annoyed.
I believed there was a God
     who listened and loved me.
And time on time I'd ask
     from this pain he'd set me free.
I'd beg that He would give me
     what my heart was crying for.
Then waited for an answer
     only to find that He'd ignore.
Then one day someone made me see
     what I was doing wrong.
I wanted to sing my way
     and make up my own song.
I was saying "Lord give me,
     I just can't live without."
Forgetting through my selfish pride,
     what God is all about.
I got down on my knees
     and said "Oh God forgive,
my lack of humbling myself-
     for losing my will to live.
God carry through with my life
     the plan you had in store.
Forgive me for my selfish prayers
     that I had prayed before.
I do not understand sometimes.
     we have to hurt so bad.
I'm sure to see your children cry
     it makes you too feel sad.
So here I am, though still confused
     I think I'm gonna make it.
Your love was there I only had
     to just reach out and take it.
You, through Jesus, share my pain
     it doesn't quite seem fair,
but I couldn't make it through this life,
     if you weren't always there.
Thank You."

Sue Holms

Is It Worth It

Have you ever found yourself wondering
     what's the purpose of life?
Why have we been placed where we are;
     is it worth all the worry and strife?
Is it worth getting up in the morning
     even knowing the day may hold in store
a hell like no hell you've ever known
     or experienced in days lived before?
But the majority of people do live those days
     and come through them more determined and stronger
Because for every hurdle you conquer,
     the outcome is sure to last longer.
Yet no one can tell you when you're overloaded
     with heartache, grief and pain
To forget the poison that festers your heart
     and begin to laugh again.
But here is something to think about,
     though I doubt that it brings peace of mind.
You're bound to come out with more understanding
     than those who in life are left blind.
Then maybe when your problems a thing of the past,
     you can use it to help someone weaker than you,
through a problem that to them is just as big
     as the one that you've just been through.

Sue Holms
T

Endless Gloom

I find myself living in endless gloom,
it leaps from the walls in every room.
Surely this can't last forever,
happiness always to endeavor,
But where do I look to find a meaning,
when always towards sadness my heart's leaning?
How do I tell my feelings they're wrong,
when I don't even know where I belong!
Wherever I turn the words come through;
"You fool!  Life wasn't meant for you!"

I've got to fight this devil who,
possesses me, yet hates me too.
"I won't let you be satisfied
to crush my life" aloud I cried.
I don't know where to search for life
but sadness cuts me like a knife.
It takes my insides and turns them out,
'til for release I plead and shout:
"Take my arm, my sight, my leg
but give me the will to live" I beg.

And now the question, will I win
and maybe start to live again?
For now in place of rage and fears,
I've drawn a blank instead of tears.
Where is this world where I now live,
where we all love and in turn give?
Where no one questions the other's moves,
where everyone listens to the other's views?
And often times I hear myself say:
"I'm doing just fine-how are you today?"

Sue Holms
October 1973

Evening Horseback Ride

This evening Carl (friend) and I took about a two hour horseback ride around the neighborhood.  I rode Terra, she was a little high strung at first and I was nervous but we ended up having a great ride and she did good.  I really think she loves to get out and just doesn't get to do it enough.  She is starting to mind a little better but still needs some work and she can be temperamental at times too but that is improving too.  She's starting to respond to reining better.  It is me who needs the most practice to get over being so nervous when I'm getting her ready, saddling her and all.  I'm a nervous wreck thinking I'm going to get kicked or something and I know this makes her act up more too.

Bonnie's leg is still swollen but I do believe it has gone down some.  We soaked it again in Epsom Salt, gave her some more Aspirin and then I hosed it down with cool water a couple times today.  I think it is improving, swelling seems less and limping is not so pronounced.

Denise Austin Work Out Video

 One of my favorite work out videos is Denise Austin's Fat Blasting Yoga.  It is Yoga but it's more of a work out and stretching than meditation.  I found I got great results quickly doing it and i like the poses which were pretty and hard but not too crazy like 'pretzeling'.  Denise does a great job of leading you in the tape so it's easy to catch on to and after about 3 times your able to follow right along.  Do expect to work up a sweat with this one though.  Many of the reviews I read said people didn't like it because it was more of a work out than relaxation and it is but that is what I was looking for.  I give it a thumbs up and recommend it to anyone.  It makes you feel and look great.    

Insanity Work out Video

My son, Jacob, who turned 16 years old in April requested the INSANITY: 60-Day Total Body Conditioning Workout DVD Program for his birthday.  He's been doing it for about 5 weeks now and I am really impressed.  The workout is HARD, 45 minutes long, 6 days a week and he's been doing it every night.  He's drenched in sweat when he finishes and isn't able to keep up completely but then again, neither can some of the people featured in the work out.  He does it every night at 9PM.  I don't know why but that's the time he picked and it seems to work well for him.  We did take before pictures and I will post those when I get them downloaded.  The workout truly is "insane" but Shaun T, the guy who leads it, is very inspirational and encouraging.  It's a little pricey which is why Jake got it for his birthday and not just any day but it's a great workout for anyone who wants a true challenge.  Will keep updated on his progress.

Update:
Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Jacob is at his dad's house for the month of June so I have only talked to him on the phone until today.  I know he's still doing his Insanity work out every evening and that about a week ago he entered into "phase 2" of the work out which means the workouts are longer and harder now.  Instead of 45 minutes average they are now about an hour long.  He looks really good though.  His calf muscles are hard as rocks and he says he feels better too.  Now, I must say though that he does NOT look like the transformation promised with the video.  Of course he still has about 4 weeks to go so, we'll see!

Update:
Saturday July 10, 2011

Jacob is back from his dad's house and he looks really good but.......the last three weeks of his workout got sabotaged. They went to "the river cabin" for two weeks and he wasn't able to work out there so it came to a screeching halt.  He's back now and not really able to pick up where he left off because of the time lost but he plans to start the whole thing again from the beginning starting this Monday.  Felt bad for him as he had worked so hard.

Bonnie's Leg Injury

When I went to feed Bonnie yesterday I noticed she was limping on her right back leg.  Carl came over and checked her hoof which didn't show any noticeable injury but we decided to soak her foot in warm Epsom salt.  I don't know if this helped or not.  He also brought over some horse aspirin for pain.  This morning when I fed her, her limp is worse and there is noticeable swelling to the lower leg between her hoof and knee joint.  Gave her some of the aspirin mixed in with her feed and ran cold water over it for the swelling.  Will see how she does.

Follow Up:
Monday 6/13/11

Bonnie's leg is healing nicely.  Her swelling is almost completely gone and she has almost no limp.  The thing that seemed to work the best was resting the limb, applying cold water (from the water hose) on it two or three times a day and I have her horse aspirin for the pain.  These are all with the help of my friend, Carl, who I am so thankful for and don't know how I'd do it without his help.  He is with the Sheriff's Office Mounted Patrol Division as is so good with horses it's impressive.  Thank God for kind people.

127 HOURS

Last night I watched this movie for the second time, this time sharing it with my sister, daughter and son who had not seen the movie before.  I love survival stories and this is a good one.  It's the true story about a man, Aron Ralston, who goes hiking in the remote Blue John Canyon in Utah alone.  He gets his arm trapped between a cliff and a boulder and remains trapped there for 127 hours (about 5 days).  He ends up having to amputate his own arm to get free (warning, the amputation part is tough to watch).  I did research this online after watching it to see how true to facts it is and it was very true.  In fact, they actually left out some good parts!  They did a good job in this movie of putting you there with him and the actor James Franco did an excellent job too.  Actual video recordings, done by Aron while trapped there, are posted on you tube along with a Dateline NBC interview by Tom Brokaw called Desperate Days In Blue Canyon where the real Aron returns to the spot he almost died in.  They went back and retrieved the arm and it took 13 men, a wench and a hydrolic jack to move the boulder.  He was never going to move that rock!  He does talk of the life change that occurred to him through this tragedy, going from being careless with other people's hearts to loving more deeply.  He still climbs mountains though, even with one arm!  What a guy!

TOUCHING THE VOID

Last night my sister and I watched one of my favorite movies, Touching the Void.  I have seen this before but she had not.  It's the true story of two mountain climbers,  Joe Simpson, and Simon Yates who, in 1985, climbed the Siula Grande  mountain in Peru.  This mountain is part of the Andes mountain range , which is the world's highest mountain range outside of Asia.  The story that follows is their fight for survival after they get into trouble on the way down.  It is told by the two actual climbers and it is incredible that they do survive.  I originally learned about this climb when I saw an interview with them on TV to promote Joe Simpson's book by the same name.  It intrigued me so I went and rented the video.  I liked it so I bought it.  I love survival stories and this is definitely one I would recommend.  I give it a 9 out of 10 review.

Summer Starts

So school has ended for the year and summer begins.  This is always bitter sweet for me because while it means a more relaxed and easy time with no worries about grades and homework, early mornings and time schedules, it does mean that I have to spend 30 days without my kids.  Well, almost without.  You see, the two youngest kids go to their dad's house beginning on the last day of school and lasting for 30 days.  He does have to go to work though, and he works for the railroad so when he gets called out he's gone for about two days.  He brings the kids back to my house on those times.  But he takes a 2 or 3 week vacation during this 30 days and at that time I don't see them at all.  I really miss them and worry about them.  You never know what can happen while their gone but that is living life with divorce.  It does suck but not so much as being married did.  I always say; "It's better to be from a broken home than to live in a broken home".  So anyways their gone now.

I plan on spending my time working with our horses who are undisciplined and need training.  Which is not easy because it's like the blind leading the blind.  I haven't had horses in so long I'm like a newby all over again.  So I am needing help with them and (thank God for kind strangers) I have met a new friend who knows a lot about horses and has been very kind and helping me with them.  I am so happy to have them though.  I love them already and we've only owned them since March.  Their names are Terra & Bonnie.  

They look better now as they were about 200 lbs underweight when we got them and they are now up to normal weight.

My 17 year old son, Travis is talking pretty seriously about joining the Marines.  I don't know how to feel about that really but it is what I think he would be good at and he seems excited about it.  We shall see.

Just got back from Austin on a trip to watch my niece graduate from high school cum ladda which means she has maintained a 90% average throughout.  She also gave the opening speech at the graduation and led the Pledge of Allegiance and the Star Spangled Banner and did an excellent job.  She's one of those kids you just have to love.

My trip went really well though as my sister went with me and we enjoyed each others company, I love to see the rolling hills up and around Austin, I got to see my other nieces and nephews and watch one of their baseball games before leaving so all in all good trip.

Oh, doing a bible study sort of.  Reading the Bible from the beginning ( this will be the fourth time) and blogging about it as I go.  The blog spot is called "Be Still and Know That I Am God".  I like it as I get to put my maps and charts and summaries of the story as I go and I feel like I learn a lot about the character of God and His people as I go.  It also increases my own feelings of faith too.

Very bad wreck in town today and my oldest son and daughter in law were right behind it when it happened and got out to render aid.  The guy, maybe in his 20's was speeding, swerved too fast and flipped his car over several times.  He was trapped beneath the car and they had to lift if off of him and he was life flighted out.  Didn't seem like he would make it but don't know.  I feel so sorry for him and his family.  Hoping for the best for him.

My friend lori has been waiting for me to come to her house and make some verde sauce out of some green tomatoes she has and I haven't been able to make it over.  Maybe tomorrow.

Closing for now, in the words of Scarlet Ohara, "tomorrow is another day!"

A THOUSAND SPLENDID SUNS

Just finished this book and would rate it very high, say a 4 out of 5.  The author is Khaled Hosseini.  I love this guys stories, (he also wrote "The Kite Runner" which, although I haven't read the book it was an excellent movie).
A Thousand Splendid Suns is the story of two women living in Afghanistan.  It begins in the 1960's and carries through to the late 2000's.  It is sad and tragic, a love story, and educational.  It follows these women's lives from the time they are young until they are grown.  They are from completely different backgrounds but they both endure abuse and hardship and sadness and are brought together in an unlikely way.  As you follow their stories your heart goes out to them and you learn about life for women in the Middle East.
Through this story you are able to learn about life in the Middle East over the past several centuries.  I really felt the pain of these people living in a war torn country, the uncertainty about the future, going through the many changes in leadership and how they are so often  at the hands of whoever is the strongest at the time and is able to take over and they may be good or bad people.
It was an easy and pretty quick read, I would definitely recommend it to others and feel I have learned something from reading it as well.  

Tacoma mom upset Secret Service questioned 7th-grade son without her knowledge - KCPQ

Tacoma mom upset Secret Service questioned 7th-grade son without her knowledge - KCPQ

Someone posted this news clip on my facebook page today railing against president Obama about what happened to this kid.  So I decided to read the article and see what all the fuss was about.  After reading the article and watching the video I thought that at first it does seem a bit over reactive on the secret services part to come and question this boy at school but than I also found it interesting that Fox news chose not to reveal what the boy actually posted. Typical of their one sided journalism.  They did say however that 'part' of it read  "First order, suicide bomb Obama. Suck it!"  Hmm, think there is a reason why they chose not to reveal the rest of  his post?

You know, your job as a parent should be to teach your kids that it is inappropriate to say things or post things that are about killing people especially the president.   But even though the mother, Timi Robertson stated  “I understand why they would want to come and speak to him about the post,”   what she decides to  do is to go on a crusade about  her little baby being questioned and traumatized... Really?  What do you think your teaching your kid with that?  

I think it's a good lesson to be learned that if you make threats towards your classmates, teachers, parents or the president of the United States that you may earn yourself an investigation from the secret service no matter what your age is.  That is their job-protect our president and we all know we are living in times that require them to be diligent about what is posted over the internet. I'm sure there are certain key phrases that are picked up automatically to be investigated.  And don't you know that everyone would be standing in line to berate them when this kid in two or three years ends up hurting someone and they see that posts he made like that were never taken seriously?  Dig into his computer  or phone and I bet you find more things like that too.  

We have plenty of "children" out there who have committed serious crimes.  Surely we have learned that you can't take those things that kids say for granted.  If the same threat would have been made towards another student at the school or a teacher, I wonder if people would still criticize the kid being questioned before mom arrived?  And oh yes, couldn't help but throw this one in:  The secret service hasn't responded to your request for them to answer to you FOX News? Who cares? Who are you to expect them to answer to you?

Rethinking Parenting in The New World of Technology

Our Overblown Paranoia About the Internet and Teens by Rahul Parlka on Salon.com

Read this article written by a pediatrician and was so glad to see someone respond with common sense instead of going with the mainstream of society now and tapping into our fears.  I get so aggravated by all of the scare tactics used to try and control us as a society.  Starting from the government on down it seems that putting fear in us about everything from the water we drink to the death of our children through internet abduction has become the mainstream way to sell us on something.

While the internet does hold it's share of risks and should not be ignored, it is no different than sending your kids to school every day.  Bad things can happen and there is no way to avoid it unless you never allow your kids to go outside. The only way you are going to be able to protect your kids in todays age is to stay connected to them.  Don't make enemies of them by arguing with them about everything and earn their respect.  Yes-earn-just like you expect them to earn yours.  A kid will jump through hoops for you if they like and respect you and will rebel against everything you have to say if they don't.  Even if they go astray for awhile, they'll know where to come back to.

I think that we as parents must change our approach to parenting in todays times if we are going to have an impact on our kids. You can no longer say "Because I said so" and have it hold the same weight as it used to because we are not the primary influence in our kids lives any more.  We are now competing with cable TV, advertisements, phones, internet, and who knows what else.  They are being bombarded daily with influences outside of us beginning when they are about two years old and we place them in front of Sesame Street or The Simpsons.  (You can still take your pick when they're little, but not for long.)   While they can learn from these devises (the internet is a wealth of information and knowledge and so is The History Channel) they can also be hurt by them (Cyber bullying, and sexting and online predators are out there).  But just like before all this technology was around, if your kids climb a tree or ride a bike they might get hurt.  The only way to prevent them from being hurt is to lock them up or don't let them get out of bed in the mornings.  What kind of life would that be?

We are more disconnected from our kids than in days before what with both parents working away from home, paying other people to take care of our babies,  countless hours spent on our own cell phones, the internet or watching TV instead of being plugged in to our families and don't forget how many kids are dealing with divorced parents, stepparents, blending of families, dysfunctional families, etc.  The list goes on.  These things would be enough to make any of us want to pull away and search for something somewhere else. We have gotten away from raising our kids with the basic moral values of don't lie, don't cheat, don't make fun of other people, don't gossip, etc.  Girls in particular are being allowed to be snotty and even encouraged to do so.

We also need to be more genuinely interested in our kids and start talking 'with' our kids instead of 'at' them.  Encourage them to be open to discussing with us things they hear or see on the internet instead of hiding them from us.  When your eleven year old comes to you and tells you that some boy asked her to send him nude pictures of herself and she told him to take a flying leap and deleted him from her chat list, instead of lecturing her on the dangers of the internet and threatening to take it away from her, congratulate her on her firm stance and wise decision.  You are not protecting her from anything she's not going to be exposed to anyways, your teaching her how to deal with it when she is.  And the next time something like this happens to her you don't want her to hide it from you and try and deal with it on her own, you want her to be able to come to you for advice.

The cyber world is out there, it's not gong away and it's far too reaching for you to control.  The only hope you have is being able to positively influence your kids to make the right decisions.  It's like the father who tries to control all of the boys in his daughter's life.  One of those boys will make it through, and if she says 'yes' it's all over.  You have to teach HER to say 'no'.  It's the same in the internet world, you'r not going to be able to protect them from the things they will see and hear on the internet. You have to teach them how to handle it when it happens.

The Difference Between A Parent and a Step Parent

My first experience in step-parenting was as a step-parent.  I was 19 years old and newly married to Larry.

Scooter Today

 He had a son, Scooter, who was nine years old. Scooter's mom and dad were recently divorced and his mother moved to Dallas, Texas, about five hours away. His mom showed very little interest in him even sending him home early on the rare occasion that he went to visit her. Larry was working evenings from 2PM to 10PM which means he's gone every evening before Scooter gets home from school until after Scooter is in bed. I move in and find myself being the primary caregiver in this kids life, washing his clothes, feeding him dinners, cleaning up after him and helping him with his homework. I was the oldest of five kids, and had spent alot of time taking care of younger kids so this was not something new to me.

But Scooter wasn't like my brothers and sisters. He was an only child who was left alone in the evenings to take care of himself and not allowed to go outside to play after school because there was no adult supervision and Larry wanted him to be safe. Larry would come by and check on him frequently during his shift but there were many hours spent alone and most of those hours were spent watching tv and eating - alot. He was overweight and this was something I could not understand as I came from a family of outgoing, outdoors kids with no weight issues. I thought this needed to be changed. But Scooter wasn't interested in going outside much. He didn't have many friends and because he was overweight he got tired and hot easier than others. Looking back on it he was no doubt depressed as well. So he stayed to what he knew and was comfortable with - watching tv. He also resented my presence there, telling him what to do and taking up his dad's time with him and so he would do or say things to try to start problems between his dad and I. Scooter also often lied about things like when he missed the bus and walked home instead but told us that yes, he had riden the bus. I know now that he was lying because he was afraid he'd get in trouble for missing the bus. Lying had always been a big deal in my family and was a particular issue with me. Of course, Scoot often had trouble in school around this time so homework and notes home from treachers became a problem too.

I proceeded to try to change these things thinking that I was doing him a service by helping him to be a better person and correct some bad habits. (My kids would never do these things). My method was mostly to complain and nag that he ate too much and didn't play outside enough or that he lied and must be made to stop. For the most part his dad agreed with me. My reasoning did make sense after all. How could you argue that a kid shouldn't eat so much when he's overweight right? He was on my side. And don't think for a second that I didn't vent these frustrations to my friends, family and co workers who assured me that the things I was asking were not unreasonable.

The result of my efforts to change these problems was that he began hiding what he ate or lying about it when he got caught. He increased his lying on other issues as well mostly because he was trying to avoid getting in trouble. Not by me but by his dad who was pretty strict. This only increased my feeling that he was not an easy kid to deal with. And the cycle began. Scooter increased his hiding and lying, I increased my complaints.

Mind you I was never abusive to him and I wasn't a bad step-parent. In fact, as step-parents go, I've been told by people who knew us at the time that I was a very good one and he really did like me but there are many things that I look back on now and wish I had done differently. Especially after I started having my own kids and learning more about parenting.

Living with me became sort of like living in someone elses household as a tolerated guest, one that should be greatful for all the things I was doing for him. Why couldn't he appreciate these things? There was one time that stuck out in my mind years later and really opened my eyes to what it must be like to be a step child and what makes the difference between being a parent and being a stepparent.

Scooter is about eleven years old and his room is always dirty. Empty bags of chips laying around, dirty socks laying under the bed and dirty clothes scattered all over. Since I was the one doing the laundry and house cleaning and after all, this wasn't even my child I was pretty agravated. He should appreciate the work I put in to cooking and cleaning and taking him places, helping him with his homework, etc. But no, not only does he not appreciate the things I do for him but he intentionally makes things harder for me. I knew he was angry about his parents divorce, mother leaving, dad being gone all the time, etc. and I didn't blame him but that wasn't my fault, I was the one there for him right? I also felt like I had been cheated out of the young, newlywed marriage I deserved. I mean, Larry and I never had any time to ourselves as Scooter was always there.

One day I tell Scooter that I would not be picking his dirty clothes up off the floor in his room anymore. If he wanted his clothes washed, they needed to be in the dirty clothes hamper from then on. If they weren't, they wouldn't get cleaned. (Doesn't every eleven year old boy want pretty, clean clothes to wear to school? Not). So, Scooter shook his head yes, that he understood. Come laundry day, Scooters in school and I go to gather up all the clothes to wash. Sure enough, none of Scooter's clothes are in the hamper. I go to his room and there lay all the clothes on the floor. I purse my lips tightly together, shake my head in irritation, close the door and proceed to do the laundry for the day-all except his of course. Later, when Scoot had no clothes to wear he had a problem. 'Hmm, what to do'. Well, he couldn't come to me and ask, he knew exactly what I was going to say and that I would be waiting to pounce on this. But he had to do something, he had nothing to wear. So he decides to quietly go to his dad hoping to avoid me.  So he tells his dad that he doesn't have any clothes to wear.  His dad says "Why not? Your 'mother' just washed all the clothes yestarday didn't she? Scooter says "I know, but she didn't wash any of mine." So dad gets a puzzled look on his face and calls me in. "Why doesn't Scooter have any clean clothes to wear, didn't you wash clothes yestarday?" To which I replied, (and God knows I was waiting for this opportunity), "Yes, I washed clothes yestarday and I told Scooter that he needed to pick his clothes up off the floor and put them in the clothes hamper from now on or he wouldn't have any clean clothes to wear and he didn't do it so now he has no clean clothes to wear." So Larry nods his head in agreement, this made perfect sense after all, and told Scoot, "Well, I guess that's your own fault then, you should have done what you were told to do right?" "Yes sir" was Scoot's reply. I am victorious. No one can argue with the logic of these things. Scooter and I exchange a look. I don't recall how or if he got his clothes washed that day and if so, who did it. I'm sure I did not.

Funny, seems pretty normal really. Nothing too bad as far as step-parenting goes. But, fast forward about twenty years. I am now divorced from Larry. I am no longer in charge of Scooter and in fact, he and his dad have moved to another state and I don't ever see or talk to Scooter anymore. I did have a beautiful baby boy before we were divorced and his name is Kyle. He is my life.

There comes a time when Kyle is about eleven years old and his room is always dirty. Empty bags of chips laying around, dirty socks laying under the bed and dirty clothes scattered all over. Jeeze, I get tired of picking up his clothes. He needs to learn some responsibility. You know, kids just don't appreciate what we do for them. So I tell Kyle that I would not be picking his clothes up off the floor in his room anymore. If he wanted his clothes washed they needed to be in the dirty clothes hamper from then on. If they weren't, they wouldn't get cleaned. Kyle shakes his head yes, that he understood. Several days later on laundry day, Kyle in school, I go to gather up all the clothes to wash. Sure enough none of Kyle's clothes are in the hamper. I go to his room and there lay all the clothes on the floor. I purse my lips tightly together, shake my head in irritation and.... walk around the room gathering up his clothes, wash, dry and fold said clothes and put them away.  I certainly wouldn't want my kid going to school looking like something the cat drug in now would I? When I pick Kyle up from school that day (no bus for him, I liked picking him up myself) I tell him that I had to gather his clothes up off his floor again and that we had talked about this and that he needed to do better about that. Okay? "Okay mom I will." Says he to which I reply "Okay, so how was your day at school?

As this scenario played itself out, my mind does a flashback to when it was Scooter and I. How justified I felt at the time and how I really hadn't done anything wrong, it was just the difference between being a parent and being a stepparent. But the difference for the kid is huge. It affects everything about who he is. This is just one example that stood out to me because of the de-ja-vu of it but it was the difference of his life and Kyle's life.

I wished I could go back and tell Scooter that I didn't know and that I'm sorry and if I had it to do over again I would do things differently. That yes, he did lie and cause problems between his dad and I but that I understood why. That I'd be pissed off too if my parents got divorced, my mother left me and my dad was away working so much and then my dad meets this lady and they moved in together and no one asked me what my opinion was about it. And even if they had asked me I still wouldn't have had any choice in the matter. They would have told me why I should be happy about it, that I was just the kid and I don't make the rules in the household and how they know what is best for me. And maybe that's true and maybe I should be thankful for a roof over my head and food in my stomach but still..I'm just so pissed off and I don't really know why. I'd tell him that I understand that he doesn't really appreciate having his clothes washed or his dinners cooked that neither do my own kids most of the time but I do it for them anyways because I love them. I'd tell him that maybe I could have done better.

Years later Scooter is 30 years old and all grown up and taller than me. He's turned into a burley mountain man kind of guy and I love him. We rarely talk but he decides to come and visit me in my new house with my new husband and child and he says to me "You know Debbie, I'm really sorry for being such a little shit to you when I was young. I know that I did things to cause trouble and I lied alot when you and dad were together. I really felt bad when you left and wished I hadn't done those things. I don't know why I did them but I'm sorry and I just wanted to tell you that".

Talk about getting choked up. I walked over to him and hughed him with tears in my eyes. I told him that he had nothing to be sorry for and that it's me who needs to apologize. That I understand now that he was just a kid trying to deal with a difficult situation, a situation in fact caused by the adults in his life, and that he did what any normal kid his age would have done at the time. That I love him and that if I had things to do over again I would do them different with a different understanding of what was going on.

I can't go back and change these things but sometimes I can hopefully help other kids who are in the same situation.  How many times I have heard people at work talking about their step kids and the issues they are having with them and sometimes I 'butt in' with my opinions.  I approach it kindly but try to get my point across because I think that all those kids out there deserve it. They have no voice. Usually my opinion doesn't really matter or change anything but once in a while it does and that matters to me.  Maybe if I had had this kind of advice from someone I would have done things differently. Maybe not, who knows?

Want More?
 "My stepson is impossible! What's a stepmother to do?

The Blind Leading The Blind

The first thing on my agenda was to get them fattened up anyways and I could do this without too much fear.  I learned from asking different people that the feed I had been given was basically crap, kind of like hay, and wasn't providing much substance for them.  The guy who gave them to me said he was giving them one scoop each a day.  This would explain them being underweight.  So, again with the help of Karen and friends I went and bought some feed more appropriate for them and they have been gaining and looking quite nice now.

Now, it turns out that I'm not as good with horses as I once was and seem to have lost all my "horse sense".  And believe you me, there is such a thing and you must have it.  Even though I had owned horses when I was a teenager and was quite comfortable with them, I found that I no longer felt that way at all.  I was very nervous around them, jumping every time they stomped their feet, or snorted or, well moved.  This only increased as the days went on and Terra soon realized that she was in charge.  Of course this only made the situation worse.  Terra is not happy.  She tries to bite, turns her but and will kick, keeps her ears laid back constantly about everything and in general acts like nobodies going to mess with her.  Bonnie on the other hand is so distrustful she moves to the other side of the stall if you try to pet her.  I'm not helping because I don't seem to know what I'm doing with them.  Wish us luck, we need it!