Our Overblown Paranoia About the Internet and Teens by Rahul Parlka on Salon.com
Read this article written by a pediatrician and was so glad to see someone respond with common sense instead of going with the mainstream of society now and tapping into our fears. I get so aggravated by all of the scare tactics used to try and control us as a society. Starting from the government on down it seems that putting fear in us about everything from the water we drink to the death of our children through internet abduction has become the mainstream way to sell us on something.
While the internet does hold it's share of risks and should not be ignored, it is no different than sending your kids to school every day. Bad things can happen and there is no way to avoid it unless you never allow your kids to go outside. The only way you are going to be able to protect your kids in todays age is to stay connected to them. Don't make enemies of them by arguing with them about everything and earn their respect. Yes-earn-just like you expect them to earn yours. A kid will jump through hoops for you if they like and respect you and will rebel against everything you have to say if they don't. Even if they go astray for awhile, they'll know where to come back to.
I think that we as parents must change our approach to parenting in todays times if we are going to have an impact on our kids. You can no longer say "Because I said so" and have it hold the same weight as it used to because we are not the primary influence in our kids lives any more. We are now competing with cable TV, advertisements, phones, internet, and who knows what else. They are being bombarded daily with influences outside of us beginning when they are about two years old and we place them in front of Sesame Street or The Simpsons. (You can still take your pick when they're little, but not for long.) While they can learn from these devises (the internet is a wealth of information and knowledge and so is The History Channel) they can also be hurt by them (Cyber bullying, and sexting and online predators are out there). But just like before all this technology was around, if your kids climb a tree or ride a bike they might get hurt. The only way to prevent them from being hurt is to lock them up or don't let them get out of bed in the mornings. What kind of life would that be?
We are more disconnected from our kids than in days before what with both parents working away from home, paying other people to take care of our babies, countless hours spent on our own cell phones, the internet or watching TV instead of being plugged in to our families and don't forget how many kids are dealing with divorced parents, stepparents, blending of families, dysfunctional families, etc. The list goes on. These things would be enough to make any of us want to pull away and search for something somewhere else. We have gotten away from raising our kids with the basic moral values of don't lie, don't cheat, don't make fun of other people, don't gossip, etc. Girls in particular are being allowed to be snotty and even encouraged to do so.
We also need to be more genuinely interested in our kids and start talking 'with' our kids instead of 'at' them. Encourage them to be open to discussing with us things they hear or see on the internet instead of hiding them from us. When your eleven year old comes to you and tells you that some boy asked her to send him nude pictures of herself and she told him to take a flying leap and deleted him from her chat list, instead of lecturing her on the dangers of the internet and threatening to take it away from her, congratulate her on her firm stance and wise decision. You are not protecting her from anything she's not going to be exposed to anyways, your teaching her how to deal with it when she is. And the next time something like this happens to her you don't want her to hide it from you and try and deal with it on her own, you want her to be able to come to you for advice.
The cyber world is out there, it's not gong away and it's far too reaching for you to control. The only hope you have is being able to positively influence your kids to make the right decisions. It's like the father who tries to control all of the boys in his daughter's life. One of those boys will make it through, and if she says 'yes' it's all over. You have to teach HER to say 'no'. It's the same in the internet world, you'r not going to be able to protect them from the things they will see and hear on the internet. You have to teach them how to handle it when it happens.
Read this article written by a pediatrician and was so glad to see someone respond with common sense instead of going with the mainstream of society now and tapping into our fears. I get so aggravated by all of the scare tactics used to try and control us as a society. Starting from the government on down it seems that putting fear in us about everything from the water we drink to the death of our children through internet abduction has become the mainstream way to sell us on something.
While the internet does hold it's share of risks and should not be ignored, it is no different than sending your kids to school every day. Bad things can happen and there is no way to avoid it unless you never allow your kids to go outside. The only way you are going to be able to protect your kids in todays age is to stay connected to them. Don't make enemies of them by arguing with them about everything and earn their respect. Yes-earn-just like you expect them to earn yours. A kid will jump through hoops for you if they like and respect you and will rebel against everything you have to say if they don't. Even if they go astray for awhile, they'll know where to come back to.
I think that we as parents must change our approach to parenting in todays times if we are going to have an impact on our kids. You can no longer say "Because I said so" and have it hold the same weight as it used to because we are not the primary influence in our kids lives any more. We are now competing with cable TV, advertisements, phones, internet, and who knows what else. They are being bombarded daily with influences outside of us beginning when they are about two years old and we place them in front of Sesame Street or The Simpsons. (You can still take your pick when they're little, but not for long.) While they can learn from these devises (the internet is a wealth of information and knowledge and so is The History Channel) they can also be hurt by them (Cyber bullying, and sexting and online predators are out there). But just like before all this technology was around, if your kids climb a tree or ride a bike they might get hurt. The only way to prevent them from being hurt is to lock them up or don't let them get out of bed in the mornings. What kind of life would that be?
We are more disconnected from our kids than in days before what with both parents working away from home, paying other people to take care of our babies, countless hours spent on our own cell phones, the internet or watching TV instead of being plugged in to our families and don't forget how many kids are dealing with divorced parents, stepparents, blending of families, dysfunctional families, etc. The list goes on. These things would be enough to make any of us want to pull away and search for something somewhere else. We have gotten away from raising our kids with the basic moral values of don't lie, don't cheat, don't make fun of other people, don't gossip, etc. Girls in particular are being allowed to be snotty and even encouraged to do so.
We also need to be more genuinely interested in our kids and start talking 'with' our kids instead of 'at' them. Encourage them to be open to discussing with us things they hear or see on the internet instead of hiding them from us. When your eleven year old comes to you and tells you that some boy asked her to send him nude pictures of herself and she told him to take a flying leap and deleted him from her chat list, instead of lecturing her on the dangers of the internet and threatening to take it away from her, congratulate her on her firm stance and wise decision. You are not protecting her from anything she's not going to be exposed to anyways, your teaching her how to deal with it when she is. And the next time something like this happens to her you don't want her to hide it from you and try and deal with it on her own, you want her to be able to come to you for advice.
The cyber world is out there, it's not gong away and it's far too reaching for you to control. The only hope you have is being able to positively influence your kids to make the right decisions. It's like the father who tries to control all of the boys in his daughter's life. One of those boys will make it through, and if she says 'yes' it's all over. You have to teach HER to say 'no'. It's the same in the internet world, you'r not going to be able to protect them from the things they will see and hear on the internet. You have to teach them how to handle it when it happens.
No comments:
Post a Comment