Endless Gloom

I find myself living in endless gloom,
it leaps from the walls in every room.
Surely this can't last forever,
happiness always to endeavor,
But where do I look to find a meaning,
when always towards sadness my heart's leaning?
How do I tell my feelings they're wrong,
when I don't even know where I belong!
Wherever I turn the words come through;
"You fool!  Life wasn't meant for you!"

I've got to fight this devil who,
possesses me, yet hates me too.
"I won't let you be satisfied
to crush my life" aloud I cried.
I don't know where to search for life
but sadness cuts me like a knife.
It takes my insides and turns them out,
'til for release I plead and shout:
"Take my arm, my sight, my leg
but give me the will to live" I beg.

And now the question, will I win
and maybe start to live again?
For now in place of rage and fears,
I've drawn a blank instead of tears.
Where is this world where I now live,
where we all love and in turn give?
Where no one questions the other's moves,
where everyone listens to the other's views?
And often times I hear myself say:
"I'm doing just fine-how are you today?"

Sue Holms
October 1973